So the EFL has kicked off and at the time of writing, we’ve just had the pleasure of watching Luton host Middlesbrough.

Wow! What a game. There’s so much that can be said for what just unfolded but you know, this is a website about the EFL and the three tiers of football within… not the place!

One thing I will say about the game though is that I was watching it with my seven-year-old nephew. A bright young man, little George loves nothing more than playing and watching a bit of football, but he seemed uneasy as Assombalonga blasted his penalty over the cross bar.

“That was bad, eh?” I said, nudging my nephew. “No it’s not that,” he replied, “it’s just, why does James Collins’ shirt appear to be painted on?” His bottom lip began to tremble as he looked at me, “those sleeves are ridiculous, Alfie,” he cried.

I held George close as he sobbed in my arms, but this whole situation got me thinking, maybe this little boy could be a good barometer for kits across the EFL.

As soon as he calmed down, I sat George in front of my laptop and showed him a slideshow of all of the kits within the Championship, League One and League Two. These are the ones that upset him the most:

Barnsley home

He didn’t get this shirt one bit. He complained that it looked like a generic, royalty-free team strip used in at ITV1 drama cutscene, albeit one that’s been pressed against a recently painted wall.

“It’s indicative of Puma’s lazy design and exploitation of obvious fanbase soft-spots,” he said. “The Red Wall print on the shirt is fan-service done wrong. It’s making me angry, Alfie. Perhaps their away kit will be more my tempo…“

Barnsley away

“Haven’t his team done enough by having one of the ugliest badges in football?!” George cried, tears of anger running down his red face. “Nothing here makes sense! It’s like two different kits have been glued together!“

To be fair, that man can’t even muster a smile for the team he loves. Presumably that’s the best picture they took too, going by the fact they used it.

Doncaster home

George looked sad. Sad and confused. A shell of himself as he looked up to me, eyes damp and mouth open in shock.

“I don’t understand, Alfie; the kit seems inoffensive enough, but has it been manufactured by the country of Japan? That doesn’t make sense.”

I could see George was scared, starting to second guess himself. I showed him the next kit hoping it would change his mood.

Lincoln City away

This one made George cry in a completely different way. Falling asleep, tears streamed down the boy’s cheeks as he lost control of his body.

With one final yawn, George uttered “it’s just so dull.“

You have to wonder what Erreà were playing at when they assigned this dreadful kit to the team with the one of the coolest, most original and interesting badges in football.

It is distressingly boring. It rendered my nephew unconscious in a pool of his own tears.

Crew Alexandra away

As soon as he woke up, I showed George the Crewe Alexandra away strip. Instantly enraged, he punched the table.

“Why does it look like a fucking biscuit?!” he screamed’ “It even says fucking ‘Mornflake’!“

George swept my laptop off the table in pure anger and began tearing the living room apart. I took notes and terrified of further destruction, showed him Ipswich away shirt – one I’m genuinely a fan of – to calm him down.

Walsall away

George looked perplexed, took my laptop and started frantically Googling . “It doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t make sense,” he kept saying to himself, flicking through tabs before slumping over the keyboard exhausted.

Pointing at the Walsall kit on the screen with wet eyes and a runny nose, frustrated with his lack of findings, George shouted “this is a Bayer Leverkusen home shirt and there is nothing you can say to convince me otherwise!“

OK, George. Onto the next.

Stevenage home

George began to scream, eyes bloodshot and streaming. “It hurts it hurts!” he shouted, looking like he was actually trying to tear his eyes out to stop the pain. I had to restrain him and ask him to talk slowly; at this point he was speaking in gibberish.

“The stripes… t-the sponsor… the crest and the Macron logo… my eyes burn. Stop this pain, uncle. Show me their away kit which I assume is a lot more muted and palatable...”

Stevenage away

“No Alfie, no! WHAT IS THIS? How can Stevenage genuinely expect their fans to support the team when they can’t even watch the games without vomiting?! This looks like you took the condiments from that disgusting sponsor and poured them all down a black shirt.”

It is truly despicable.

And that’s it. That’s the end of the list. I was going to include more – like Luton’s weirdly weirdly named navy kit, Sheffield Wednesday’s bathroom floor-looking home shirt and Scunthorpe’s Christmas themed away top – but my laptop’s running out of battery and I can’t be arsed to go upstairs to get the charger.

Have a good one.

Follow me on Twitter @AlfiePowell