One question that is on almost every single lower-league football fans mind right now is ‘Why are the EFL so insistant on fucking our clubs?’. Especially for Bolton and Bury fans.

I’m wondering the same thing to be fair. Punishing teams for being owned by pricks, deducting points from struggling clubs and various other shithead moves that make you wonder why they’re in charge of three leagues. 

Well, I’ve compiled a list of reasons why I think the EFL are trying to eradicate lower league football in England. So let’s get into it.

5. They’re American and would rather be called ESL (English Soccer League)

This one is maybe a bit far-fetched? But I can still see it being a thing. A bunch of Yanks around a table absolutely fuming that in this country if you google ‘football’ you get news and images about a sport where a foot kicks a ball and not news about a fake, shit version of rugby.

Well, if it is this one. Stop. Macclesfield do not play soccer – they barely play football. 

4. The board of the EFL is made up of all the people who were picked last in school PE because they toe-bunted the ball

You know the kind. The shit kids who were always stood last by the half way line whilst everyone else got picked – even the kid with one leg shorter than the other. These were the kids that chewed on the drawstring of their shorts constantly but still somehow were a solid defensive unit because rather than play the game properly they’d just bunt it away at any given opportunity.

Think Boris Johnson during that SoccerAid game. Bad, bad people.

3. They grew up whilst ITV had the rights to the football league highlights show

Now, this one I am on board with. When it comes to sport, ITV ruin everything. So, if it is this one just come clean and tell us. 

2. Lower league football reminds them of their parents and the imminent divorce that the extensive Tuesday night fixture list caused

Yes – this could well be true. 15 consecutive Tuesday night fixtures along with the Saturday ones means us diehard football fans spend a lot of time away from home. If you take into consideration work days (Not applicable for Crewe fans) and these two fixtures a week, you basically never see your family. 

It’s not too hard to believe that various members of the EFL board come from families that were broken up because of one of their parents’ dedication to the beloved team.

1. They’re just a bunch of knobs

Whilst the previous ones on this list have been plausible, and they really have been, I think we’ve found the real reason.

Yes – the various footballing bodies don’t have fantastic reputations to say the least. FIFA is incredibly corrupt, UEFA probably is too and The FA are a bit shit.

 It would be fantastic though if just a couple of them could pop their heads from up their arses for just a week or two to just take note of how much they are fucking this brilliant sport.

If you think that there might be an alternative reason, we’d love to hear it.

James Ryan

@JHR_1995